50 Reasons to enjoy London?

I happened to stumble across this Leader comment an Evening Standard paper that I picked up on the tube home. It had me in hysterics - I just could NOT believe what total rubbish I was reading! I have reproduced it (without permission - but in the name of "art") below. As you read through it - you can see my annotations on the right. Enjoy!
















South Bank?!! You cannot be serious! You mean that ugly concrete complex?

Cathedral?? Come one - you mean converted power station!

White knuckle ride! I get a better one on the Piccadily Line between Hammersmith and Acton Town!

Never once been to the Globe. No desire to either. Call me uncultured? I'm just a Londoner - not a tourist!

Opera! Oh Please spare me!

Yeah - the same old actors from Eastenders. Depressing.
Hungerford Bridge??!!! You mean that ugly alleyway next to a railway line?

Where is Tate Britain?

Yeah right!

Don't know what you're going on about!

Jamie Oliver? Oh please: Get lost!

Oh come one! You don't think I'm stupid do you? These people can't act!

And more '80s nostalgic crap!

Do you know ANYBODY who's actually bought anything from this rip-off department store? NO - but I bet you they've got one of those yellow plastic bags!

Vegetarian shoes! Don't make me laugh!

Quite. Cheap fashion - cheap fix. That's where you'll find the schoolkids.

Spare me all this high fashion please! TK-Maxx is where real people shop.

Not sure about that - I thought she wore corsets?

Where the hell is Columbia Road?

What: like the organic food you can get from my local Safeway?

Never heard of these markets!

No way! I take issue with that - you cannot compare North London with West London!

Clubbing in Brixton - you must ne out of your mind! Bring back the WAG on Wardour Street I say!

BARBICAN! Imposing!??? Too right! What ugly walls there are there!

Ronnie Scott's - it's not the same as it used ot be ...

Do you ANYBODY who has visited Karl Marx's grave?

I never noticed ANY changes to Kensington post-Diana. The snooty types STILL live there.

The best example of Art Deco is NOT in any museum - it's the Hoover Building on the A40 in Perivale. (Now a Tesco.)

Norwegian Hunks? You got to be kidding me!

Never boated on the serpentine - not once!
And Kew Gardens is ruined by the din of low-flying aircraft heading in to land at Heathrow!
The proms is what you would prefer to watch on TV! Trust me.

Covent Garden is well over-rated - and it's full of tourists - who think that the Punch & Judy is the best pub in town!


The things that REALLY make London a cool place to live are NONE OF THE ABOVE!

  1. INSTEAD (in my opinion anyway) THEY ARE:

  2. The re-assuring glow of the lit-up London Underground signs that you can spot from a distance - telling you that you are just a tube journey away from home - no matter where you've been out on the town!

  3. The takeaway Domino's Pizza in practically very suburb - gauranteeing you some real comfort food delivered to your door after a long stressful day at work.

  4. The Asian grocery shops on pratically every high street - open all hours - and with fruit and veg at prices that ensure that you never shop for produce at Safeway or Asda!

  5. The grotty Sainsbury stores on every high street that ensure that you can always get hold of a good-value bottle of plonk!

  6. The "REAL" sides of London that Amercian tourists don't visit - like Hammersmith, Clapham, Bermondsey, Wood Green and Brent Cross. Ahhhh bliss!

  7. The Congestion Charging zone - where you can take the mickey out of all those company-BMW car drivers who could once drive into the City for free - NOT ANYMORE you lazy sods!

  8. Having a laugh at all those long lines of tourists queued up to enter Madame Tussauds on the Marlyebone Road! It's just NOT worth the wait you mugs!

  9. The wonderful grafitti "works of art" and colourful "tags" that inspire creativity as you stare out of the tube train window on the Metropolitan and Hammersmith & City Line on the way to work every morning!

  10. The wonderfully cool-sounding whine of the fire engines and police cars as they race past every five minutes around the Hammersmith Gyratory.

  11. The Hanger Lane Gyratory: the most talked about traffic system in London - with an architecture that makes Le'Corbusier look silly - and what's more - it's completely devoid of tourists!

More as it comes to me!

Do you have any more suggestions for things that make London the coolest place to be?

If so - then be sure to leave your suggestions at: http://www.route79.com/blog/archives/000028.html